Comments on: Festival: Judgy McJudgerson

By: Kathy

Kathy — Wed, 05 Oct 2011 23:16:17 +0000

Very thought-provoking final post in this series Lori! I am once again back from the future (I couldn’t resist saying that, so cheesy, I know) via Time Warp Tuesday! It may have been time consuming to *have* to read three posts to appreciate why you chose this as you all-time fav, it was definitely worth it to me!

I found this last one especially fascinating and as is so common with such inspired blog entries that strike chords with others, the discussion in your comments here are as wonderful as your actual blog entry.

That definitely seems to be a common thread in the posts those “doing the Time Warp” chose this week, as most of them had lots of comments and had been clearly appreciated by their readers the first time around.

I agree that their is a fine line between been open minded and mindful, trying not to judge and following our instincts and respecting our own comfort levels, especially when it comes to our children.

You certainly have a gift for getting me to be more mindful and think about situations and encounters from different perspectives. Thank you my friend and thanks again for doing the Time Warp again!
Kathy recently said ..Time Warp Tuesday: All-Time Favorite Post

By: Lynne Marie Wanamaker

Lynne Marie Wanamaker — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 04:59:58 +0000

Someone left a link to this post on my blog last week and I’ve been thinking about it ever since. I am a self defense educator and mama, and I write a lot about the competencies parents and kids need to keep ourselves safe. I believe that it’s essential for us to trust our instincts and to say what is right for our families. I think we get to set boundaries just to practice standing up for ourselves, or just to keep ourselves from going nuts. (I would get so overstimulated in the environments you describe there is NO WAY I’d invite a new family to join me. It would be emotional overload—and not at all fun for my kid.)
But: Is it possible to set boundaries for ourselves without judging the other person? I’d say that’s equally essential if we want to walk a spiritual path.
Self defense begins by having compassion for oneself, ie: “What is right and best for me and my children in this situation?” But it includes having compassion for the world. The person who violates your boundaries may be benign, blameless, simply different from you—a Marni. Or they may be a person who lacks important social skills, or they may be a perpetrator with evil intent.
We can endeavor to practice compassion for all these people. It is a hard road, but a worthy one. My spiritual path (Unitarian Universalist) speaks of “the dignity and worth of every human being.” That means the folks who want to hurt me as well as the ones who just annoy me. This is an awesome challenge.
Thanks for really getting me thinking on this. I’ll be following from now on.

By: Phoebe

Phoebe — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 04:59:57 +0000

I agree with Sheri that you need to trust your instincts. She had a great post about instincts recently. The logical mind can make all kinds of stories up. Your reactivity to the situation may have confused your logical mind, but what was underneath the reactivity? A gut feeling that something was not quite right. When your kids get older, it might be ok for them to be exposed to this kind of supervision (or lack thereof), but not now when they are so trusting and easy to glamorize people that do not make good choices. I don’t think that’s being judgmental. It’s called parenting.

By: Lavender Luz

Lavender Luz — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 04:59:55 +0000

Thank you all so much for indulging me in this self-awareness exercise. I have enjoyed all these comments making me look more deeply at this situation.

Furrow: I think only that I will be more aware of my discomfort. My actions may not be different, but I will choose them more consciously.

Great question.

Excavator: I think I would welcome seeing Marni again. To be a little nicer and to make amends. But still not to spend family time with her.

By: Furrow

Furrow — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 04:59:55 +0000

I’m not much of a go-with-the-flow kind of person, as much as I’d like to be. It would be hard for me to accept such a drastic aleration of my vision of the evening, especially from a stranger who is so different. And yet I’m also uncomfortable with that aspect of myself. That fixedness. And maybe superiority.

Does this reflection mean you will automatically react differently the next time something like this happens?

By: MrsSpock

MrsSpock — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 04:59:51 +0000

I do agree we must not be nice to everyone, especially when our intuition is nudging us, I’d say this was a cultural difference.

I’m hillbilly on my father’s side, and Marni’s actions are par for the course. Kind of reminds me when I hugged my host mother goodbye in Japan. Super faux pas- I crossed a cultural boundary that defines what interactions are “comfortable”.

By: Sunny

Sunny — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 04:59:51 +0000

Being able to see from another’s point of view is such a valuable skill, and you do it so well. When I was a counselor, that seemed half the battle most times — helping the client to have empathy for others, to look at themselves in a new (perhaps more realistic) way.

Well done.

By: Lollipop Goldstein

Lollipop Goldstein — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 04:59:51 +0000

Though I obviously missed the point of the post which is looking for the good in people, and entering bitch mode, am only focusing on everyone’s negatives tonight.

Going to go grrrrrrrrrr in the kitchen

By: Lollipop Goldstein

Lollipop Goldstein — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 04:59:51 +0000

I love how you explored it from the two sides (and I enjoyed getting the story in three pieces even if I was a bit impatient with the third piece).

This part was really interesting: "Living in the moment is something I strive to do. I meet someone who does just that and...? I feel superior to her."

Do you think you were responding to the negative side of living in the moment? Here's an example: we have someone in our lives who one would describe as a free-spirit. And I have to tell you, as much as there is a good side to her (creative, zest for life, fun) there is also a side that totally sucks (irresponsible, undependable). Or I have another friend who brings with him this zen calm. And the good side to that is obvious. But the bad side is that he is also incredibly self-absorbed, puts his own needs before everyone else (he is so rigid with things that it can be impossible to actually do anything together) and he brings that to the table with him with his calm.

Not trying to bring down Marni, but I wonder if you were responding to an aspect of her?

By: Kristin

Kristin — Wed, 07 Apr 2010 04:59:50 +0000

See, that is what I admire so much about you. You truly have the ability to look at things from another’s perspective. You truly put yourself in their shoes. Kudos to you my friend.